Something traditional to keep me from going fucking insane...

WTF is wrong with me?!

Grr... everything is fucked up at the moment.
Everything has been screwed with
Everything altered
Noone can leave anything unchanged
Because everything has to change
And i am so fucking afraid of change
That i do stupid stuff
And worry people
And this blog worries people more
I bet.

But really. I'm fine.
The more I say it, the more i start to believe it myself.

Honestly. I'm having one of those days. Well weeks. This better change. I can't get used to myself like this. Its just every last little dig, everything. And now i'm fucking starting to cry. Wimp. Wow, everyone that reads this will see how crazy i sound in my head.

But yeah. I better stop. And go back to normal. I need to BREATHE.

Which is why i am screaming songs i used to listen to at the top of my lungs, like a right dick. Something normal. I crave normalcy. And i don't even care how emo this blog sounds.

Do you know what though... I do. I really do care. Maybe that's my problem. I care too much?

What kills me in everything that has been happening recently is my total lack of control. Because isn't that what everything is? Everything is about control. Everything everybody does is controlled by something. An undistinguishable link. Influences.

*inhales* *exhales*


Other than this, a good day. I really don't know what i would do without my friends. That is the honest to god truth.

Fuck.

I better not lose you all.